The discounts have started, there is only one problem: they spy on us, not the CIA but as we know for the sale of our data, which is the reason why all the apps we use, from Whatsapp to Telegram to Instagram, are free. Which doesn’t bother me, as far as I’m concerned they could even listen to my phone calls, my readers would be disappointed with what I write about myself. But, I say, spy on us better.
In short, what do I mainly buy? T-shirts with superheroes, yes, at fifty-four years old, as if I were a sixteen-year-old (I fought to be childish, it’s an acquired right), Freddie Mercury t-shirts, video game accessories, books (the right ones), collectible statues (like the head of Alien scale one-to-one peeking out of my wall), Bud Spencer beans, gadgets from my favorite TV series, things like that.
So I imagine the algorithm that, spying on me, having my data, having the tracking of my searches, offers me objects similar to those I am looking for, something I hadn’t thought of and I see it and think: oh well, I want it too granted! Instead, here’s what appears in the list of the most famous online and social platforms recommended for me: Fifa, discounted by 9%, when I’ve only ever played one game, Call of Duty, and I hate football. A Yankee Candle, a Christmas scented candle (I can’t smell perfume, I don’t use candles and I hate Christmas worse than the Grinch). A very affordable set of replacement razor blades, 32% off, when I use an electric razor so what should I do with it. A fake Smartwatch (19 euros, I don’t know what they put in it), when I’ve had an Apple Watch for years and only use Apple products. Clarks shoes, never worn in my life, only Nike (and nothing about Nike is offered to me), and padded underwear with a photo of a penis printed on it (what are you implying?)
And then a hair straightener that looks like a vibrator, a document and paper shredder like those used to make evidence disappear, even a do-it-yourself set for me, who calls the Romanian handyman to attack a painting. Ah, I also have a test, this targeted one, to try out a hearing aid, very discounted and highly recommended for those between 50 and 54 years old (do you become legally deaf earlier on Black Friday? I thought I could hear well).
I don’t know what to think, in case the same thing happens to you but in reverse, that is, you need everything they offer me while you have a life-size Batman statue at a great discount and you ask yourself why, let’s get in touch, maybe we they spy but then we have to find each other and resell the purchases.