Dear Valeria, I am writing to tell you about some of my recurring thoughts. I don’t know if it is an obsession, or not, it is in fact that, every now and then, these thoughts return to look out in my mind. I state that I am happily married and I have a teenage son. Everything is fine with my wife. But let’s get to thoughts: I go on Facebook, Instagram or even just on Google and I am looking for the name of my ex -girlfriend, when the one, the other. I am looking for information about them, photos, details at work. In other words I spy, I look out on the lives of my ex without showing me. I can’t understand why. Maybe they are doors that have never closed definitively? I don’t think it’s love (no longer) but what can it be? Nostalgia of the beautiful (not always) times gone? Only morbid curiosity? However, that normally, you should reserve for everyone, in general, friends and/or acquaintances. When do you think and think about your ex there is no abnormal one? Sometimes, with all sincerity, I think this behavior of mine is not entirely normal. What do you think, do I have to worry about something?
Stefano
Dear Stefano, I don’t find his behavior then so strange. Of course I don’t know how much assiduity you dedicate herself to the espionage on the internet and even the fleeting specific “with my wife everything is fine” perhaps it would deserve a slightly more in -depth investigation. Like: what exactly is it good with his wife? Good how? But since it is not what he asks me, let’s go back to the ex. He worries because he says that if his curiosity was “clean”, then he should also have friends and acquaintances as a target. I find it true up to a certain point. Past girlfriends are people on whom he has invested emotionally in a different way. I don’t know that “he was” belong, but if they were part of his life already in adulthood, it is reasonable to think that with them he thought of a lasting union, perhaps of a marriage and of the children. Now, choosing the definitive companion at a certain point of his existence means choosing “only” that life and closing all the others out.
A bit like when you opt for a faculty or for a job. When you decide who to be, you also decide who is not to be. From here, in my opinion, his curiosity towards the ex. They are not the ones who go to peek on the internet, it is the she who could have been.