My name is Luca from the province of Grosseto, I am 52 years old and I have been married since 2006 to Serena, 46 years old, and we have a 17-year-old son. I am writing to you to seek understanding, vent, and advice as a woman. I have been cheated on twice, once when we were engaged, the other in 2015. In both cases I had suspicions, confirmed by his phone. The second one was very tough because she wanted to end things with me and run away with the other guy. But then she realized she was being made fun of. When I confronted her by showing her messages and photos on an old cell phone of hers, she had to confess and guaranteed that the story had stopped before sex: just flirting and kissing. But I didn’t believe her, since the story went on for two years. I also thought about bad things… desperate gestures… the presence of my son made me think, who would never understand why. So I remained in my place, suffering, I still bear the consequences today, I sleep badly and I think about it often. After a few days she told me: “I’ll easily allow you to do what I did… find someone and give me everything back.”
I thought about it a lot. I even fantasized about a threesome because maybe she would like to cheat on me with me present, I don’t know. Perhaps the fear that he will run away with someone else leads me to submit and suffer. It’s not that I don’t mind the extended relationship at all, perhaps it could be a sort of therapy, perhaps by meeting other couples and having new consensual experiences. Maybe you’ll hear a lot of these boring stories… but I still try to listen to advice and opinions.
Thanks in advance.
Luca
Dear Luca, for three quarters of your letter I thought about replying to you with certain things that had to do with consolation, solidarity and the very mild suggestion of inviting you to reflect on your romantic relationship in the face of two not even insignificant betrayals. But towards the end of the letter, she completely changed my outlook. It seems to me that, rather than cheating on her, your wife has actually started to follow an unknown path (that of sexual exploration) for your couple. A path that, evidently, Serena was the first to feel she wanted to take, but which she does not rule out being able to follow.
So perhaps, rather than losing sleep and nights, he should talk openly with his wife about your sex life and what you expect from each other. However, I would find it healthier if, if she were to decide to indulge her, she did so not only to please her wife (as she has done so far by suffering and suffering) but because she really wants it too.