Dear Mrs. Braghieri, I have just under forty years, a degree never spent, until a year ago I worked independently, then, I decided to participate in a competition that I won and so a work experience began in a large context, of about thirty people. The work does not excite me, but it is discreetly paid and above all there is the presence of a colleague who at a certain point I took to look with different eyes. He started to text with a daily frequency, even in late hours, to give me small important attention even in difficult times for me due to painful personal events. I specify that he is married, he is father, I met his wife, we estimate ourselves mutually. Sometimes it happens to work alone and I don’t deny that if only he did a first step, I would not stop it. I don’t know what I feel, I know that for me it is a fixed thought, that his presence, his mood, one of his message make the difference for my “serenity”, that I have not been able to remove it from the head for more than a year, I know that if his attention or his time are divided with other colleagues, I suffer from it and that every time we go out of work and I see him heading home … I think of the weight of my solitude. I had never happened to me a similar situation, if they had asked me for an opinion in this regard a year ago, I would not have been generous in describing the woman protagonist of the story, in this case myself. Arriving every day at work has become “Cross and delight”, step by satisfaction for a shared coffee, for a smile, for a joke (often pushed), to the compaction to myself to have come to the point of rejoicing for a minimum of consideration that I would be willing to evolve at the cost of destroying a family (of my reputation in the work environment I would not worry). I was exhausted by sleepless nights and for days troubled and lived in the lie (I can’t say to him and colleagues must not imagine).
Swabian
Dear Sveva … “A degree never spent”, “work does not excite me”, “giving me small attention” … it seems obvious to me that you seek comfort somewhere.
But I think that continuing to look for him in someone who sees “heading home” thinking about the weight of his solitude, he will find very little. You start to want a little good Swabian, you start somewhere, she will see that the rest will follow.